Recently I have found myself struggling with trusting God. I’ve found myself confused with things happening in life, and being unhappy in general. To be honest, I was starting to get scared of going into another depression. Scared of hiding myself away again. I was struggling with finding peace. I started having bad anxiety attacks before class, to the point I couldn’t even leave my room to attend class.
I didn’t tell anyone. I still haven’t really opened up about it. For me, it’s hard to be honest and open about these struggles. I guess in a way I’m scared for people to see my not so perfect life.
I’m scared for people to see what I struggle with on a daily basis.
I’m scared for people to see the version of myself that struggles with trusting God.
I have really wrestled with lacking peace this previous week. I’ve found myself questioning God, and yet I haven’t prayed to Him about anything. I’ve just kind of expected it.
After my last big anxiety attack, or whatever it was, I found myself in a hole. I had no clue how I was going to get through this semester if I was having attacks before class. I began to get very overwhelmed and stressed. I found myself secretly crying anytime I had alone time, and tried to keep the tears from streaming down my face when I wasn’t alone.
Finally I just prayed. I prayed and told God I couldn’t do this. Told Him I was not going to give up, but I needed His guidance.
I then found myself in my professors office saying the word, anxiety, for the first time ever to someone I barely knew. I rarely say that word to even my best friends, so this was huge.
I ultimately asked God for peace, and guidance to do what He wanted. For the first time in weeks I asked God what to do, instead of getting mad at Him for things not going right. Finally everything made sense.
I finally have peace. I finally can breathe again. All it took was trust and prayer.
I’m sure the anxiety is still going to be present. But for the first time I trusted God with this part of my life.
Prayer is powerful. But I know how hard it can be sometimes. I find myself telling God what I want and why I am not happy, instead of truly asking for His guidance.
It took a lot of trust for me to have a meeting with my professor. But I trusted God, and it turned out okay in the end.
It took a lot of trust for me to choose to re-route my college plans, but I did, and I have so much more peace, and finally things just make sense.
It’s pretty great to have life simply make sense.
Trust in God, and ask for His guidance, because the peace you’ll acquire from that is simply amazing.