I cannot do this anymore.
I cannot even tell you how many times I have said that sentence in the past week. Probably more times than my fingers can count. I have cried myself to sleep multiple times, and have asked God, “Why me?” more times than I want to admit.
I trust God, I really do! But… sometimes waiting on God and understanding His ways gets the best of us. Sometimes we lean towards our own understanding and get overwhelmed.
I sometimes wish we could have a conversation, face to face, with God. Wouldn’t that be so much easier than prayer? Wouldn’t that make everything simpler?
I wish I could hear God’s voice clearer than I do. I wish I could hear His guidance and wisdom besides just hoping I’m going in the right path.
I wish I could feel His presence more than I do.
I wish I knew God was here on the days I feel like He’s so far.
I’ll never admit to being a perfect Christian, because I’m not.
I’ll never admit to having it all together because I don’t.
I’ve doubted God so many times. I wish that wasn’t a true statement.
I wish I trusted God at all times.
There are just some days where trusting Him isn’t easy.
I find myself turning to friends for answers because they are there physically.
I can hear their responses. I know for sure what they have to say about things.
Whereas with God, I’m not so sure what He has to say.
Some people can pray about something and know in their hearts what to do. I envy that.
I wish I could hear God the way they do.
And sometimes I think this makes me a bad Christian.
Sometimes I think that if I did this and that, then I’d hear God.
I don’t know why God doesn’t answer us when we want Him to. Maybe this is to strengthen our patience.
Maybe this is to grow our trust in Him.
One thing I do know is that God is always listening to our prayers.
Not hearing God doesn’t make us bad Christians. We might not get the answers we want, or even an answer at all.
We might not even feel like He heard our cries, but rest assured He did. He does.
We have doubts. I have them quite a bit, but I always come back to what I know is true: God is here.
God is listening. God is God.
1 John 5:14 “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”
If you’re struggling with your beliefs, pray.
If you’re searching for a job and feel like you’re constantly being defeated, pray.
If you’re going through financial problems, pray.
If you’re failing in school, pray.
If your relationship is falling apart, pray.
Even when you feel like God is not listening, or you don’t know what He is saying, still pray.
I do believe that eventually we understand His ways.