I’ve come to realize that there’s no use in cutting corners when it comes to the things of God. Some things in life take time to happen, and I understand very well how tempting it is to say “God just give me a good man.” Ladies, you can have God’s best for you in love, but that doesn’t mean you won’t run into some tests along the way. Here are just three ways to tell if you are settling in your love relationship:
You find yourself forcing things to work. You know you’re settling when try to make the relationship work instead of just being in the relationship and let it grow organically. Forcing a relationship or love will only backfire on you. You may be making excuses for their poor treatment of you, lack of quality time and communication, or lacking the consistency (that’s a biggie) needed to have a real, successful relationship. If you’re not married and you find yourself in this situation, take time to consider if you are truly happy with them and if your heart, gut or spirit/intuition is saying no, then you are settling. You can’t change a man, force a man, or use anything you got to keep a man. A man who wants to commit to you will do just that, without your force or manipulation. That’s a kind of relationship that won’t stress and strain you to maintain it.
You find yourself compromising on God’s standards for your life. You can tell that you’re settling in dating or in your relationship if you are compromising yourself in any way that is not pleasing to God. You may think that you are going to lose out on a good man because of your stance on virtue or purity, but you have to remain steadfast. I remember compromising my body with a man who was not meant to be my husband. I realized that I was settling for less because a man of God who really honors the Lord would not want to compromise my purity in any way. This means that even if you are not intimate physically, the man who is properly pursuing you as a man of God would not put you in any position, even mentally, that doesn’t honor God’s standards for your lives. A man protects, not corrupts. It’s corrupt when it’s outside of God’s will. When you’re outside of God’s will—baby, you’re settling!
You are hiding who you really are to save the relationship.What kind of relationship is it if you can’t be who you are all of the time? If you find yourself having to dumb down, hide, or fake the funk to impress a man, preserve his little ego, or save a relationship, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice. God created you specifically, carefully and wonderfully (Psalms 139). He knows every little quirk and awkward or even “lame”thing that you do yet He deemed it special. God wouldn’t want you to be with anyone who doesn’t respect or better yet love you for who you are. We can all improve to become better, absolutely, but when you hide who you are with a person, you don’t trust them with all of you. That means you’re also settling because you’re lacking trust in your partner, which takes time to build. So what if you snort when you laugh or you actually enjoy things that are “different” in whatever way that means to you. If you have to hide that from your date or mate in a relationship, you are settling. This will eventually build resentment and inner turmoil as you continue to deny your true self around them. If he can’t take you for your unique, beautiful, and precious self, then he’s simply not for you. God made you for His glory and purposes, why try to hide that light under a bowl (Luke 11:33)?
Trust that God does indeed want what’s best for you, even if it passed the deadline in your head. It didn’t stop God from blessing you with today nor the other blessings in your life. This is not the time to settle, but to lean into the Lord and not your understanding (Proverbs 3). Trust Him to give you a relationship that is authentic, that is free and that honors Him.