Do you remember the first time you had a crush on someone? It could have been elementary school, summer camp, or even high school. I remember the butterfly feelings I used to get, a flushedface after meeting eyes with him, anticipating a call, IM, or text. It seems like those feelings are just for the young and the restless, right? Well recently I concluded that I had developed a crush on someone I was getting to know. The thing is though that I’m 28, not 14, so why do I still have crushes?
A crush, by definition, is a strong desire to be with someone whom you are attracted to although you may not be in a relationship with them now or ever. When it comes to attraction, how can you settle those butterflies and not lose your cool?
Here are a few tips I’ve learned from my latest love lesson:
What are the motivations behind your crush?
I was doing pretty well without a guy in my life and all of the sudden I meet him and suddenly I’m crushing hard. What happened? It’s important to ask yourself your motivations and ask God to reveal to you what the root of the crush is stemming from. It may be loneliness, rebounding from a breakup, neediness, doubt for God’s promise, idolatry, etc. It’s a guaranteed “ouch moment” if you feel convicted of the truth, but it leads to repentance and getting you back on the right path to trusting God. You’ll also be better at handling situations with the opposite sex with a mature spirit and mindset.
Ask yourself: is this really what you want?
You know what rhymes with crush? Rush. And rushing is the last thing you want to do when you have a crush on someone, no matter what age you are. Take your time and get to know if being with this person is something you need to pursue in this season or if your flesh/human nature wants it. It’s like when you’re at the store and you’re due for a new outfit and you see something you like, but the price is out of your budget. But you love how it looks right? Breaking the budget this one timeshould not hurt. But it does and you end up with buyer’s remorse.
What you thought you wanted so badly doesn’t seem to be a good “fit” for you like you first thought when you saw it. Similar to that of a crush, we have to give it time for those feelings to calm down so we can see with eyes wide open instead of our hearts right away. Unlike clothes, it hurts when we “return” a relationship that was rushed into. It’s best to apply wisdom and patience when you engage with someone you are attracted to and truly get to know them for who they are and if they’re truly suitable for you.
You also have to be willing to let it go in order to receive God’s best.
So my crush and I mutually came to the conclusion to just be friends. I respected the young man for being able to let me know that I was free as in not his to claim if we weren’t pursuing a relationship. A crush holds onto the idea of claiming someone, the idea of loving that person, the fantasy of what things could be. But in order for us to get what’s really for us in love, we can’t get distracted by the thoughts that a crush brings. God’s best can’t come to you if you’re still holding on to something good that never really was yours.
Getting rid of a crush may take some time depending on the person. It can go by smoother by daily submitting your thoughts and the feelings to God daily and saying “Father, I trust Youwith my life and my future,” giving Him clearance to do what He does best: work on your behalf for His glory. As it says in the word, our present sufferings won’t compare to the glory that’s to come. So you may have to suffer through and survive some crushes or dates that don’t go further than you initiallyhoped, some lonely feelings every now and then, the anxious desire to rush to the altar after a successful first date. As for me, the crush feelings I’ve had are 95% gone at this point and I’m taking the experience as a test and lesson learned. Got a crush? Breathe, stretch, shake the nerves, and let it go to God.