Something so powerful, yet so easy to forget.
This week I’ve been wondering a lot. Overthinking, and just wanting certain things to occur. I kept thinking over and over again how to make those things happen.
It wasn’t till a few days later, I realized one thing:
I never prayed.
I never prayed for God to show me what to do. I never prayed for guidance. I never prayed for His will.
I just expected it.
I expected God to show me the way, without me even asking. I expected things to just happen, when I never even sought God’s help. I sought my own understanding, and tried to go on my own.
It was like an ah-ha moment when I realized it, and then said, “Okay, I will pray about it later”.
But I didn’t pray later. I continued, and tried to fix it myself. I thought of the many ways to fix it, and I never once asked God for help.
I was frustrated because I didn’t know what to do, but yet again, I relied on my own understanding.
It wasn’t till a few more days later, I truly realized what I was doing wrong.
Saying I’ll pray later, isn’t praying.
Expecting God to do these things and make my life perfect is not reality. God is here, and He wants to be a part of my life, and He wants to help, but I have to ask. I can’t just expect.
So tonight, I asked God. I asked Him to show me the way to go, and to help me understand this. I asked. For the first time in a week, I sat down and asked.
This shows that for a week, I haven’t relied on God. I’ve relied on the world. I asked my friends what to do, and I asked myself, but never once did I ask God.
I used to talk to God all day. He guided every single part of my life. Big decisions were not made with just my thoughts, but with God’s guidance. Why did I change that?
I got swept off my feet, and didn’t take time to stop, and pray.
For once I actually forgot to pray. It used to be second nature. I never had to sit myself down, and force myself to pray.
I hate that I’ve changed. I don’t want to change.
I’ve always relied on God to show me the way. I never used to rely on others opinions, or my own thoughts. I always had God kept in the loop, and He was like my best friend. I didn’t make any decisions without talking to Him.
I want that back. I want my best friend, and I don’t want to have to remind myself to talk to Him.
I want to go back to when prayer was something I did naturally, not forcefully.