By Tatianah Green
“So, what are your intentions?”
This is a question that you or someone else in your life would ask a gentleman who was interested in getting to know you.
As traditional as that seems, it’s important to understand a man’s motives with your time, space, and emotions. Recently I had to reestablish intentions with a couple of guy friends, which had me thinking: Do we ever ask the intentions of our male friends? You know, the guys you don’t see yourself with romantically? Some are church friends, coworkers, school friends, etc. What is the purpose for them being your friend, single lady?
Most of us have at least one friend in life who is a man, whom we don’t have a romantic connection or tie to. You don’t necessarily share everything with them as you would with your girl friends, or maybe you just happen to have a best friend who is a guy who you’re more comfortable being transparent with. Whatever your case may be, it’s good to know where you stand with your friends and see where they truly fit within every new season of your life.
The Bible covers friendship and even gives instruction on opposite sex friendships.
1 Timothy 5:2 “…[treat] younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”
The Message version gave instruction to Timothy, a man of God, to “reverently honor the younger women as sisters.” In other words this means respect. Yes in a friendship, respect is a given, otherwise they’re not your friend, right? This includes respecting your boundaries emotionally, spiritually, etc. A male friend of a young lady or woman of God should treat her with respect as a sister in regards to protecting her dignity, making sure she’s safe or protected when out and about, and looking out for her best interests, encouraging her to be like Christ, and not to entertain sin.
The word also says to be with company of good character, to encourage and pray for one another. Depending on your level of vulnerability with your male friends, you too have a responsibility to be honest and act in integrity towards them. This is where your intentions are expressed. Things can get confusing when we don’t express our motives up front in a friendship with the opposite sex because one or the other party make start to take genuine acts of friendship as flirtation or pursuit. Familiarity can lower our guards down and we can cross the lines of friendship quickly, causing confusion and miscommunication. As someone who had to tell male friends before that I didn’t want to go beyond friendship, it saves a lot of headache and potential pain. Both parties don’t want to lead the other person on, which feels terrible if you have been on either end. So have the courage to be upfront and true to the nature of the friendship.
Even in moments when I didn’t want to lead someone one who I was just friends with for years, they thought otherwise and an awkward yet necessary conversation had to happen. We’re good now, but the dynamics of the relationship shifted because the truth was made clearer. Friendships with the opposite sex also change, and respectably so, once you enter into a committed relationship. This may or may not be hard for the friendship, but that’s another post for another day.
At the end of the day, you treat others how you want to be treated. If you want to be a friend, show yourself friendly. It’s great to have friends of the opposite sex as friends to offer encouragement and perspective. Honor and respect one another’s feelings and guard your heart from any inappropriate ties or connections that cross your personal boundaries of a friendship.
How are your friendships with men? Do you think men and women can really be just friends?
About the Author
Tatianah Green is a multimedia content creator with a passion for writing. In 2012 she launched her first blog, B.L.I.S.S. {Black Love & Inspiration for Saved Singles} to encourage the urban faith community to be the best in their personal relationships with God that will in turn create successful romantic relationships and marriages. Tatianah is a contributing writer for BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and other websites. Professionally, she is an eCommunications & Social Media Coordinator and is a member of the National Association of Black Journalists. Tatianah enjoys volunteering and is a member of Chosen Generation ministries in Chicago, Illinois.
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Great post! I think that male/female friendships can be a bit tricky. I know from personal experience that almost every time I thought I could simply just be friends with a guy it just went the wrong direction. Mainly because at some point the guy would mention that he’s attracted to me physically. At that point it’s hard to be just friends, especially if I have no interest in them romantically. I’m not going to lie though, sometimes I still continue on with the friendship because of the attention or companionship they may provide. Totally not right. But I’ve made a commitment to not entertain any male ‘friendships’. I’ll have male acquaintances but close friends, no. Unless I’ve known them for many years and know, that I know that it is truly always just going to be a friendship.
Yes!! I have a guy BFF and honestly he has to be God sent because he has never tried to step out of line…I definitely can relate that guys can make the friendship awkward…girls can too if we start looking at him differently! Thanks for your feedback!
I think having male friends or at the very least associates, is not only possible but important. Simply put, your male friends provide a perspective that your female friends never could: a male point of view :). It can get a little sticky because at one point or another, someone may catch feelings for the other person. The key is honesty and respect on both parts. In a friendship though, one should give and expect nothing less.
Nice post!
Stumbled to your blog via a friend on Instagram.
Interesting post. I like it and I agree, but I remember maybe about a month ago, on another blog I saw this same title and it went in a complete opposite direction. The message in that post was clear that males and females cannot be platonic friends. I think they can, as long as no previous “adventures” occurred between the two and they each have an understanding of where it is not going.
Thanks for reading! I definitely think it’s possible!