I sat at my desk with my hands covering my face. I could feel the headache coming on. My hands started to sweat. I was thinking. Contemplating… I was tired of the lies. I was tired of being fake. I was living a lie. Quite frankly, I was just tired. I had been having an affair for the past two years and I was ready to come clean with my husband. We had been fighting a lot lately, and I knew a lot of it was based on the fact that I no longer wanted to be there. Things were far from perfect. I hadn’t been happy for a long time. I felt trapped. Communication had long been gone between us.

Hind sight is 20/20, but the marriage should have never happened. I was young and unprepared. But I just had to be married. I had just completed my college degree. I had just started an entry level career. Marriage was obviously the next thing that had to happen in my life. I was currently in a relationship, so he’d be the one that I’d marry. We had no premarital counseling. We attended church, but we weren’t serious about God. We had serious problems in the relationship that we never truly dealt with. There were all kinds of red flags. I ignored them all! I just had to be married. I had to have a wedding. So, we did it. We got married.

Seven years later with two additional children, I found myself to be so unhappy and so miserable. I lost my identity. Well, I guess I can’t say I lost it because I never knew who I truly was. I was just there. Not really aware of my purpose in life. I had no idea why I was here on earth. I couldn’t communicate with my husband anymore, so I found comfort in the arms of another man. I ultimately made the choice to give up on my marriage. I found everything I needed in this man. Although he was married as well, he seemed to be perfect! The affair had gone on for two years. He was going to leave his wife and I was going to leave my husband. We were going to live happily ever after. It was time. I finally found the courage. I picked up the phone and dialed my husband’s phone number. It started ringing. “Hello”?

-Nise Daniels

The life of Nise Daniels: My life. My mistakes. Your lesson.

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