Growing up, I used to wonder what people meant by “God told me-” Or “God spoke to me-”, and so forth. I didn’t understand that. Is God just not talking to me? Why can’t I hear him?
It was confusing because no one ever explained to me why God spoke to them, or how they even heard Him. I thought maybe they were crazy, or experiencing some type of miracle, because the God I know, never speaks to me. I would never hear Him.
It wasn’t til years ago I realized what people really meant. Sure, some might have heard him literally. Maybe that’s true. But I realized that God doesn’t speak to us verbally, where we can truly hear him with our own ears.
He speaks to our hearts.
We hear God through our hearts. We hear him. It might not be what we expect, and sometimes I do wish God would speak to me literally, and sometimes I’ll admit I’m glad he doesn’t.
These last few weeks have been very difficult for me. These were times I wish I could sit down with God face to face and ask him my many questions. I wanted to know why things were happening, and if they’d even get better. I wanted God to give me answers, in the way I wanted them answered.
I felt like I was speaking to an imaginary friend, who was no help. Sometimes I would feel like my prayers were useless, and didn’t matter or change anything. I felt like my life had no meaning, and I had no purpose. Like the trials I was going through meant
nothing, and were pointless.
I felt nothing. I felt like I was nothing. I felt like my life was nothing. And my relationship with God was nothing.
He wasn’t answering my questions. He wasn’t listening. He wasn’t here.
Or I thought.
Well, God did speak to me. I knew in my heart what He was saying. I knew in my heart the answers to what I was asking all along.
He does speak to us. Sometimes we have to listen closely, open our hearts, and be ready for the answers. Because sometimes we block out what God is saying, because it’s not what we want to hear.
God told me that my life isn’t pointless. And that the pain I’m going through is for a reason. That I might not know what’s going on, but He does. And that my trials aren’t just for me, and they are what make up my story. My story that maybe one day can inspire or help someone else.
These trials I’m struggling to get through are a part of a bigger picture. They aren’t things God is throwing at me because I don’t pray enough, or I’m not a “good enough” Christian. It isn’t a punishment, but yet a plan. God’s plan.
I don’t know why, and I don’t know if it’ll get better. But I do know it’s all a part of His plan, and a part of my story. So what am I afraid of? The answer should be nothing. Because He knows, and if He knows, then there is nothing to be scared of. He knows my story, and He knows my future. So with Him, everything will be okay.