I remember as a teenager, my mother would say,
“It’s a dog eat dog world out there.”
She would say this when I got old enough to start making goals for my adult life. I don’t think that advice was to scare me but to inform me that life isn’t easy.
As children we are born pure, but then it is possible for society to mold us into something else. It is possible for this crazy world to manipulate our minds negatively.
I have learned this raising my own son. I love his purity. I will do my best to hold onto to his bright vision and not allow anything to dim his light. There are plenty of parents who ensure this with their children, to remain humble, pure, insightful and mindful of self.
I believe people may look at me crazy because I have not fully let my pure mind go. Some people may say Winnie looks at the world through rose colored glasses. You would think since I know what abandonment feels like, what heartache feels like, what winters are like without heat at home, what losing your home is like and more that I’d be this bitter, depressed young being.
Instead, me surviving through those times actually formed my smile bigger and brighter. I realized that from April 10, 2013, a tornado came and destroyed my home. My son and I were home when it hit. Not taking it seriously, I didn’t head to the basement until the tornado was in the process of damaging my complex.
While that was a horrific experience, I had been through different types of tragedies earlier in life.
In the midst of trying to find a new home, I never grieved, I was just in the mind set of taking care of business.
Once I moved into a new place I noticed that the phone calls stopped, the sympathy cards stopped and the hugs became less frequent, I then started to grieve. Losing my place was like losing a part of me. But after a lot of thinking and analyzing, I noticed instead of losing a part of me, I have grown into a new person. I am the same person but I look at life differently. I appreciate the smallest moments in my life more. I have changed my priorities. I noticed that there was a bigger reason for me going through what I have been going through.
With the grieving, I noticed I became irritable, impatient, and reserved.
Once it effected people around me I noticed that I should seek therapy. I had plenty of people who offered a shoulder to lean on and a insightful ear but I needed to speak to someone who wouldn’t judge me nor would they have an emotional attachment because when people are emotional about you they may see things differently.
Now that I have started therapy, I notice we haven’t spoke as much about the tornado. We speak a lot about my childhood, my teen years and even adult moments before the tornado. Which means I have needed therapy for years and if it weren’t for the tornado I wouldn’t have attended honestly. If it weren’t or the tornado I might not appreciate life as much. If it weren’t for the tornado I wouldn’t have fixed my priorities as fast.It feels weird saying it but I am thankful that the tornado came in and twisted up my life. It made me realize what was most important. That’s why I believe some of our biggest struggles could actually be a blessing in disguise. If I never would’ve experienced heartache, I wouldn’t know how to protect my heart. If I never would’ve experienced hardship, I never would’ve known what survivor skills to turn on in an emergency. So now in the midst of trials and tribulations, as tears may run down my face I still say Thank You God and ask for guidance to happiness. I ask for strength in all situations and clarity. So I say all this to remind you of these things:
-God will not bring you to situations He cannot get you through
-There is no bill, relationship problem, career problem, school problem, family issue, etc., bigger than God
-Get out of your own way and let Him take control
Those times when you feel low and confused, realize it is your breakthrough moment. The enemy is trying to steer you from your blessings and confuse you. God always has something big in store for you and it may come to you soon enough but you have to let go of confusion and insecurities. Society can confuse you or manipulate you. God won’t bestow confusion or frustration upon you. He will give you signs clear as day if you allow yourself to open your eyes to it.
There is hope.