• “Shirley, She Might Not Be Barbara| How Do You Confront the Side Chick?”

    By Winnie Elizabeth and Alana Marie

    While doing the nightly timeline browsing on Facebook, we came across a shared status of a married, First-Lady of the church EXPLICITLY stating that a specific someone stay out of her husband’s inbox; even going as far as putting his full name in the status.


    Yet this was only one of multiple social media posts like this and 2017 JUST STARTED. Have relationships become that frail where we as women have to publicly confront ‘other women’? What happened to consulting with your spouse? Well, that’s if he’s your spouse; which is a bullet we’ll get to in a moment. But what happened to the trust in relationships/marriages? When you lose trust, that’s when the acts of emotion (checking his phone, checking his social media, etc.) take over logic.

    So if you have an inkling that there’s another woman, how do you confront her? How do you even know she’s an issue? Should you even confront her ?

    We couldn’t just ignore and scroll. We posed these same questions to several women and they gave their two cents on instances where they’ve deemed it okay to call “Barbara” or to leave it alone.

    This is what they’ve said:

    Never! Unless she is directly disrespecting you or causing you harm. No one can impede on your relationship unless your partner allows this to take place. Your partner should know your boundaries not the other woman – Daniella

    Let me say this…tell him how you feel first. Make him check her. If she shoots her shot again, check it. If you take your shot and you KNOW that’s my guy, you’re purposely being disrespectful – Shay

    “I’m not all the way delivered in this area. I will let my husband handle it first if it persist you gone have to see meJ’Quana

    “Never. Keep doing what you do and if he strays away, let him go! Who has time for inconsistent grown ups?” – Taylor

    I don’t feel like it’s ok to confront the woman, unless she knew about your relationship. I think the real issue would be confronting your partner because at the end of the day, they are the ones that is suppose to be loyal to you – Delisa

    Woman to woman, not to be pessimistic but if the guy you are hopping in women’s inboxes and text messages about isn’t your husband, he is not obligated to you. Does that make creepin acceptable? No, but don’t allow your crown to tilt for what’s not even a life long commitment. Not only will your obnoxious behavior towards another woman make you look insecure, but it dilutes the weight of your relationship. As soon as you hit that, “Barbara? This is Shirley…,” she has lost all respect for you; if there was any in the first place.

    If you are dating someone and cheating tendencies arise, confront him about it respectfully but also be sure to check the voices in your head because…hormones. We have all had a moment where ‘we be trippin sometimes’ but learn from it. Skepticism is not always rooted in truth. If you allow it, skepticism can lead you to lurking on another woman’s Facebook page, starting a pointless arguement and more. Just because he works with women, is friends with women, doesn’t mean he’s with another woman. Married women, confront your husband, enough said. If you don’t trust your husband enough to confront him before another woman, then you may need to rethink your marriage. A relationship or marriage will not sustain without the foundation of trust. And if you go running to a woman who doesn’t know you, that just exposes the insecurity you are battling. Hopefully your relationship has God in it so much though you won’t need to creep in DMs and make public posts but in turn listen to The Holy Spirit to grant clarity in your time of dismay.

    In reference to the First Lady, one can only hope that the issue was addressed with her spouse within the sanctity and privacy of her own marriage first, and maybe just maybe, homegirl didn’t catch the clue before First Lady got ready to pop the trunk.  What is even more concerning was her (apparent) congregation encouraging and egging this on. We just find it extremely hard to believe that this lady finessed her way to the pulpit and made a public announcement to stay out of her husband’s inbox.

    When it comes to relationships, to each its own, but there is too much #BlackGirlMagic and #BlackBoyJoy to go around to allow perceived (or sometimes blatant) messy individuals to interrupt your peace and the integrity of your relationship.


    Winnie Elizabeth Editor In Chief of TheWireHangerByWinnie.com


    Alana Marie Editor In Chief of IAmAlanaMarie.com

     What are your thoughts?Have you ever found yourself on the other end of another woman’s phone or inbox?

2 Responsesso far.

  1. Ashley says:

    I believe strongly in going to your spouse first and only.
    Awesome read.