• Insecure: How Not to Break Up with Someone

    By Tatianah Green

    What’s interesting about the show “Insecure” is, it’s take on young adulthood today and the complications that come with relationships. It’s not a faith based show, but it’s a glimpse into an interpretation of the world that we live in and people that we know, and perhaps, even small hints of ourselves. But what I wanted to focus on is the theme of breakups, how they’re shown in this specific show, and what we can take away from what the characters have done.

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    Breaking up can be uncomfortable and messy. What we discover in the show is that Issa is having a hard time deciding whether she wants to stay or go in her relationship with Lawrence. It’s been at least four years that they’ve been together, they share a space and although she loves him, Issa’s growing resentful because he’s not putting enough effort into finding a job or pursuing his idea for a mobile app. It’s the case in which she’s happy for his potential, but he’s not doing much else to turn the potential into a reality.

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    This weighs on her conscience heavily as she goes back and forth between meeting her needs in another man’s company or staying true to Lawrence because: history. Add in the fact that her bestie Molly reminds her that at least she has a man, there’s more peer pressure to stay. So what happens? She cheats on her boyfriend with an old crush and decides to hide that until she’s confronted about it. By first glance, it’s obvious that this is not the way to either break up with someone or express how you feel the relationship is doing.

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    Instead of having a much needed talk with her man, Issa decided to entertain another man and slowly but surely find herself in the position to compromise her worth and her relationship. Cheating on your partner is way worse than not cheating and just breaking up with them. But before we totally leave Team Issa in the dust, let’s check on Lawrence. When he finds out from Issa that she indeed cheated, he is livid and leaves their home.

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    He’s ready to call it off immediately, no explanation needed. He gets some counsel from his guy friends who encourage him to move on but just not in the most positive ways. What we learn from Lawrence is that he may still have feelings for Issa, but her indiscretion was the ultimate betrayal to their relationship –a dagger to his male ego.

    He decides to check on Issa to see if they can talk, and while she’s on her way home after leaving early from her girlfriend’s weekend trip, she comes to see his keys but not much else of his things. Lawrence left their home and her life to end up sleeping with another woman who admired him even while he was in a relationship. In Lawrence’s case, that’s not a good idea when it comes to breaking up with someone either. So where did these two go wrong?

    Well, the show is called “Insecure”, right? The title may have seemed to be for only the main character Issa, but as the season progressed it showed that everyone has flaws and insecurities, minor and major. Issa was insecure about herself, which led her to confusion around her job, herself, her talents, and her relationships.

     It doesn’t justify it but it explains her behavior to an extent. Being unsure of yourself can lead to bad relationships and even worse breakups. She wasn’t steady enough to admit her faults, but saw what others went through when insecurities and confessions collided.

    Lawrence, although they were not together by the time he left their shared apartment, was insecure as well, which led to his post breakup shenanigans. He felt as if Issa wasn’t there enough for him to support his dreams and give him some credit. He refrained from telling her how he felt; he just left and ended up making poor decisions as well. When you’re insecure in yourself, you will find ways to compensate for what you’re lacking, but it won’t be enough. Lawrence sleeping with another woman was out of insecurity, spite, pride and perhaps even bitterness.

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    There’s a void that they both need filled and communication could have helped in both moments in which they were at their worst. An insecure person is likely to give away pieces of themselves because they don’t see their value as God does. This leads to being used and using people, causing ripple effects that disrupt many of people’s lives. Without the secure foundation of God’s love and your identity in Him, you’re bound to fall for anything that would give you a sense of identity or security.

    With insecurity being one of the major roots of their break up misdeeds, it brings up the question: what can we do to be better in our relationships and breakups? As singles, the best thing you can do is to become a secure person in God and in your identity. This will draw secure people into your life who will add to you and not take away. Being secure in yourself will allow you to have the strength to let people go who are not supposed to go with you in this journey of life. Secure people would be more willing to have the moment of discomfort to talk about why your relationship of several years is not working and if you want to work on it or not.

    In this world of cutting people off, cheating and leaving broken hearts behind, we really have to examine our actions to see if we are not satisfied in our relationships or with our careers due to insecurity. Don’t let insecurities become a crutch or security blanket; trust the Lord to make you whole and complete, lacking nothing so that you can have whole and healthy relationships.

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