Is there anyone out there that understands?
Why am I glued to my bed?
Why is making a phone call so hard?
Sometimes I do that. Look at others, and question why I can’t be like them. The ones that don’t have anxiety. The ones that aren’t depressed.
And then I stop myself. I remind myself that I don’t know who they are, and whether they’re struggling too.
I do know most suffer in silence. Most don’t tell anyone. I didn’t. I still don’t.
And maybe you don’t either. Maybe you struggle in silence. Maybe you look at others, and wish you could live their life- carefree.
Wouldn’t that be amazing? A life where you could walk out of your home without a thousand thoughts circling your mind? Be able to have a conversation with someone without thinking of all the things they could possibly be thinking about you? To be able to just go a day without being anxious, or depressed?
That’s a day that I long for.
And I pray every single day for that day.
I’ve struggled with this for years, in silence. I’m now starting to open up about it. Because I know now that I’m not alone. I know now that I’m not wrong. I’m not wrong for being this way. I can’t control this, and although I’m not sure what I believe in, whether God planned this for me or not, I do know that He’s with me.
He’s by my side during each anxiety attack.
He’s by my side during each depressed night.
He’s holding my hand through it all.
And He’s holding yours too.
Don’t look at someone, and wish you could live their life. Because you can’t. You can only live the life you have, and it’s worth living. You’re not anyone else. You are your own person, and even though you might struggle a little more than the next person, you are still worth it.
The hardest thing I’ve had to come to terms with is that my struggles don’t make me any less of a Christian. God still loves me just the same, and I love God just the same. Sometimes I think I probably rely on God a little bit more than the next person, just because of my struggles, and the fact I literally depend on Him to be by my side every day with my anxiety.
And God loves you too. And don’t ever let someone tell you that you’re struggling because you aren’t praying hard enough. You just pray. You focus on your relationship with God, and rely on Him.
A relationship with God is the best medicine, yes. But don’t be discouraged if you still struggle.
I struggle every single day, I take medications, and I have a strong relationship with God. And I’m managing okay. It’s a balance, and I’m strengthening my relationship with God daily. My struggles are something I’m working through, with Him.
And you can too. You’re not alone. You have Him, you have me, and you have so many other people that are by your side.
You can do this!