As we mature and become more of who we are during our single season, there comes a time when you decide it’s time to get selective with who you allow into your life. Let me add “unapologetically” to that “selective” to point out that you don’t have to settle for less or apologize for what and who you want in your life. When it comes to selectivity, the word itself may get a bad rap, but it’s actually beneficial to be a little more discerning nowadays, here are three reasons why:
Often times when I’d hear “selective” I’d think it’s a person who thinks too highly of themselves or are a snob aka “saddity.” I had to learn that there’s a difference between having discriminating tastes and making righteous decisions. That’s all our single adulthood is about—making decisions on who we allow into our lives, homes and hearts. That means that you should base your choices on how you see yourself and how God sees you. Ideally those perspectives would be the same, but as you grow in your relationship with God, you will uncover more about yourself and what kind of people you need in your life.
So no, you don’t want to go out with just anyone just to have a hand to hold or someone to talk to because you have standards and criteria that the person should meet. This goes for jobs, loans, and making major purchases as an adult, so why can’t you do that with people? It’s something to consider as you move on into the next month that we will be faced with very soon: cuffing season. It’s also a good way to evaluate yourself to make sure that you are selective yet humble in your everyday connections with the opposite sex and potential friends.
Can selectivity be sexy? Absolutely. There’s something about someone who’s so focused on their personal goals that they’re not just going to be distracted by every pretty smile, every curve or fine features. That selectivity makes them more exclusive and mysterious. They’re not out here just dating and mating with anyone who wants them; being too inclusive to others can be a major turn off. I know we’re all humans but we mostly do not want what everyone else has had, which is another point for celibacy until marriage.
It’s desirable or attractive when someone can say no to temptation, no matter how good the offer is. That characteristic shows a faithful person that you’d want to be connected to, especially if you carry yourself the same way. Honor God, your body, and your time by waiting in faith for His best selection for you, whether you’re a man or a woman.
Taking a note from Chris Brown’s latest run-in with the law, had he’d been more selective about the people he allowed in his home, he would have more peace of mind instead of people wanting a piece of him. We have every right—more yet a responsibility—to protect our minds, guard our hearts, and cover our space. Not everyone who wants to be in your circle deserves to be there. The reason is because some people have ill intentions or motives to being around you or getting to know you. Being selective keeps the no-good folks away. And even when you do have one or two in your life, you love yourself enough to do what’s best for you when it comes keeping that connection.
Even the Bible mentions character. One example is in Proverbs 19:13-14 regarding a quarrelsome or nagging wife and a prudent wife. That constant dripping will drive you crazy, but a wise wife is “straight from God.” It’s a reminder to take your time and be selective in your dealings with people in relationships—you owe it to your personal goals and peace of mind.
Being selective for the right reasons is not being stubborn or demanding—it’s being smart. Nowadays maturing and pursuing connections with others based on purpose over temporary pleasure or preference is a good choice for any single.•
Tatianah is on her journey to living life unapologetically.
Learn more about her debut book Journey to 30: A Single Woman’s Guide to Living Unapologetically Without Deadlines to be released in October.