Have you ever been approached in your single season when all things were starting to line up for you? It seems like life’s going well (finally) and then all of a sudden things fall apart and you blame yourself or the other person.
The concern of dating another distraction or person that’s not right for you is a legit feeling that we all have at times and it’s expressed in different ways. Some people are just fed up being played. Some are fearful of taking the plunge altogether. Let’s discuss a few ways that keep us afraid to swim when it comes to dating:
You can deny your desire for a real relationship all you want to, but deep down inside you are a human being with the desire to be loved and love the way it’s supposed to be. To say you don’t want to be in a relationship could come from avoiding the work necessary to address why you’re denying love in the first place. And no one wants to really work, I get that, but what is it to continue denying yourself something because of your past experiences?
Whether it was your fault or not, the past should not be the factor in you not receiving real love today or tomorrow. You’re not only cutting yourself off from your blessings, but denying someone of their own: you. Yes you, with your flaws and past, are valuable and very special to someone else. You survived the past, so don’t deny yourself a better future. Let’s keep it in this perspective: Do you want someone to see the guarded you or the God in you?
Someone with a self sabotaging mentality may have a potential good thing happen and then somehow they themselves find a way to mess things up. It could be pushing the person of interest away, isolating yourself, keeping your true feelings to yourself, constantly questioning the person’s motives (why are they so nice to me), and more. It’s as if you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop, as if you just know they are “too good to be true” and it’s only a matter of time when they do something that sinks everything you both were trying to build.
Why won’t you let God bless you? This nagging concern about the person’s motives makes it hard for you to trust them and give them the effort that they should receive from you. You have it within you to give love, but you stop yourself because the risk seems scarier than it really is. It took faith for Peter to walk across the water to Jesus, but as soon as he let doubt creep into his mind, he got distracted and started sinking (Matthew 14:29-31)! Stop looking for an out with that person if they have proven that they really care about you and your well being. If they are showing you the fruit of the Spirit then you gotta cast down those negative thoughts and give them a chance, especially if you want things to work. Take time to heal from this mindset and restore your faith before entering the dating scene or a relationship later on.
Some of us have had broken hearts and relationships simply because we rushed into things too quickly. Easy come easy go, which in this case means that if you allow someone access to your mind, heart, etc. before they prove that they’re not like the other people you’ve dated. Taking your time getting to know someone before you enter a relationship tests the motives of their heart, because it will show in due time.
Is this person adding to you while you’re in this season of becoming your best you and winning in life? Seriously, we have no time to cast pearls to swine (Matthew 7:6) before diving head first into a new relationship. Take note that it took time for you to get those pearls. Pearls can take six to 24 months to mature, so whatever you’ve been working on at this point should be regarded with respect and care.
We crave some substance and someone to care for who we are, and it takes time to get to know them and their needs as well. We can save ourselves the stress and concern about being in the wrong relationships by valuing ourselves and taking things at a steady pace when meeting someone new and interesting.
At the end of the day, the next relationship you get into may be the one that leads to marriage, and maybe it won’t. That so called “risk” should not keep you from trying.